It has been a good while since I last posted anything. Usually at this point I would spend a paragraph blabbering on about how I feel the need to write but can't think of what to say or otherwise, how I simply don't know where to begin.

This time I think I have half an idea why I haven't written anything in the past six(?) weeks – I am, quite simply, past talking.

I'm trying tonight; I've got no real intention to write a full and rounded post and I think that is what is allowing me to even begin – no pressure.

Back to it however – yes, I think I'm past talking. I'm so utterly furious (I'm pretty certain thats the underlying emotion - and I do simmering fury so very, very well) that frankly, its gone beyond words.

I have trouble expressing myself verbally when I get to the point of meltdown and if I do chose to vent my frustrations it usually appears to all intents and purposes as if I have Tourette's syndrome. I shoot my own standpoint down by not being able to contain myself within the boundaries of acceptable language and all possibility of a constructive outcome goes out the proverbial.

At this time, were I in fact, bothering to speak my feelings, I would be spitting (fucking) bullets.

It's work; and as an establishment, it has not been on a sure enough footing with me for several years to be able to test my patience even a millimetre.

But enough about that for now, like I said I'm not talking about it yet. Experience with my foul-mouthed lack of eloquence when angered is leading me to keep my mouth shut in an attempt to leave me with some degree of maneuverability in the situation so that there are still eggs in the basket for when the time comes and I am forced to speak my opinions.

For once it seems I am putting my brain to good use and listening, taking stock and speculating on all the pathways events could lead.

It would be fair to say though, I am not a happy bunny.

If by chance anyone has drifted across my words and has wondered what an Earth the problem with work really is, sorry to make you read through it all without getting to the point – At this late hour, I think I'll save enraging myself in the hopes that I'll drift peacefully to sleep ready to face yet another day.

In other news my brother called to let me know I am going to be an Uncle, Yay! Which is great news on one hand, but another bone of contention on the other, this time with Shortstuff. That's yet another story again...

My postings here have gone from frequent to sparse to non-existent so someday I really must bring the blog up-to-date on my comings and goings, it is nicely familiar to be doing this again I'll admit. I'll have to try and break it down and go through my head in specific topics or something if I'm to ever stand a chance at getting it all down for posterity and personal consideration.

But the burning question at the end of it all is however – does my reduced need to write here indicate I am feeling better in myself and therefore have less need to express my feelings and thoughts? Or conversely, should I by wary that its a sign that I'm so pissed off I'm just shutting down the lines of communication with myself?

I have to watch these things – left unattended my problems have a way of making their own cries for attention...