How often is it a girl holds a door open for you? I mean, not just after she's passed through it but literally stands aside. One of the cleaners at work did this today and I have to say I'm somewhat cheered by it.

As she had reached the door first I was going to take the door and hold it open after her (my apologies to the feminist movement for such outdated behaviour but thats one custom I don't think could ever be considered redundant!) but instead she motioned me through.

I don't know who she is, she works in a different block that I visit when I'm on the early shift to swap some tapes over but she's definitely foreign - Polish or Lithuanian I think.
Isn't it funny how these little acts have a way of making the day better? But here I am now left wondering if it was an act of submission!

I'm no-one important and I don't really look it either (I dispensed with wearing a tie a long time ago, probably before I stopped wearing watches - unless its time to go home, I'm not really bothered what time it is) but still I find myself musing over whether she felt I had priority because I was a native or because she was just a cleaner!
Meh, I'll just try and think of it as purely and simply a nice gesture on her part and do my best to stop over-analysising everything (as usual). I could talk myself into any perspective on almost anything if I didn't check myself.

Would be nice to find out her name though, just for curiosity; seems a shame just to keep saying 'good morning' when I see her so frequently. A 'morning (something unpronouncable I expect!)', would be so much more pleasant. Ho hum little things, amuse little minds as they say...

Anyways, after Monday's feelings of general unsettlement, Tuesday was much better, far calmer with only the onset of a maudlin bout of loneliness in the afternoon to make me feel uneasy. It's probably a sign that I'm starting to realise that what everyone else has been telling me for ages but I've so far disregarded, but how can I be lonely? It's not as if I'm alone in this world, despite some concerted efforts by my subconsious over the last few years to essentially do what now appears retrospectively as erase myself from society, I still have people around me.

Why on Earth would I feel lonely?

It isn't as if I haven't got a good mate in the office, my best mate is only a phone call or an email away, my brother is only 13 miles away, my mum is still in that town too half the time while she finalises her old house for renting and failing that if she's with her husband thats still less than 30 miles away and she's fond of the telephone... On top of all that, I live with my girlfriend!!!

I've always been pretty at home with my own company, I can amuse myself for hours on end quite happily and need lots of 'me' time to keep me in a good temperment. Its not for the first time either so this must be another one of those coded self-messages I really should pay some attention to. Wonder what I'm trying to tell myself this time...

Much better today though, so like what the feck was all that about? The day I understand myself...